Wordless Wednesday

Tertarik dgn tajuk ni, which the picture/photo tells the day or story...

Terkilan

Hurmm.. This week, kind of bz a little bit. Yeah, final exam comes around n there is also things that disturbing me. Wut I mean by bz, nnot juz the action but it is more to mind. Serabut fikirkn final exam yg cnfirm akan jadi sesuatu yg sukar utk aku lalui. Seminggu lebih sangat memenatkan. Tapi, as a student, u can't run from it. Wut can i do is face it wit confident. Result cter belakang la nanti. Hehe.

Satu perkara yg merunsingkn aku lagi, semester depan. Uniten decide utk namakn sem depan as special sem. PTPTN tak support utk budak-budak yg nk amek special sem. So, kena bayar fee sendiri kalau nk further next sem. Bagi aku, utk bayar around rm6000 juz for fee, ianya agak mustahil. Jadi ape aku boley buat, sit & watch the news. Basically, aku kena duk umah around 4 months, before aku boley smbung belajar.

It's kind of distracting, bila tengok kawan-kawan yg akan smbung next sem & akan finish awal satu sem. It also means kitaorg takkan duduk dalam satu klas yg sama dah lepas ni. Kawan-kawan yg sama dari foundation, sampai la da masuk degree ni. Lepas akn banyak berubah suasana dlm kelas. Aku sendiri pun tak tahu dgn siapa aku sekelas lepas ni. Tak semua org beruntung utk teruskan next sem. Tapi, walau macam mana pun yg aku rasa, aku tak nak susahkan mak ayah aku. Aku tak nak push diorg utk bayar aku punya fee next sem sbb aku tahu kitaorg macam mana. Takpe. Aku duduk rumah lebih bak dari susahkan hati mak ayah aku nak cari duit sebanyak tu. Cuti lama nanti, boley cari kerja sementara. Takkan nak umah je kn?

Yup, mungkin Tuhan da tentukan perjalanan hidup aku macam ni. Mungkin ada kebaikkan disebalik ketidaktentuan ni... Never regret your life~

Sekian.

Demam

mood: demam
keinginan: balik rumah, boley mak jga.. huhu

Err... Ini tak seronok ;(

Demam di hujung mggu seriously mggangu cuti. Ape yg aku bley wat cuma baring & berharap temperature akn menurun..

Ubat? Wooo... Seriously, antara benda terakhir yg aku akn makan. So untuk berkunjung ke klinik & amek ubat akan memakan masa yg cukup lama utk memujuk diri melakukan nye pun adoi..

Bkn aku tak suka makan ubat, cuma aku tak nak makan & tekak aku tak boleh menerima ubat. Dalam erti kata lainnya, jika sesuatu ubat atau pil memasuki ruang rongga tekak ini, secara automatiknya akan diluah keluar kembali =)

Wordless Wednesday

Tertarik dgn tajuk ni, which the picture/photo tells the day or story...

Pendam

Aku yang mengejar bayang cinta
Kian terbiar
Terpendam kata
Tak terungkap selamanya

Pedihnya hanya aku yang merasa
Mahu memilikinya
Aku hanya hamba cinta

Bisik hatiku lepaskan dirinya
Sungguh aku tak bisa
Biarlah ku sendiri
Tanpa kasih di hati

Aku tak mampu pertahankan lagi
Cinta yang menyakiti
Biarlah aku pergi
Tiada hampa di hati

Pedihnya hanya aku yang merasa
Mahu memilikinya
Aku hanya hamba cinta

Bisik hatiku lepaskan dirinya
Sungguh aku tak bisa
Biarlah ku sendiri
Tanpa kasih di hati

Aku tak mampu pertahankan lagi
Cinta yang menyakiti
Biarlah aku pergi
Tiada hampa di hati
Aku yang mengejar bayang cinta

Kalau aku pergi...

If i die young...?

Yeah, its a song. Bila aku dgr lagu ni tadi, entah knapa rasa nk menulis sesuatu.. Apa akn jadi kalau aku da tiada? Huhhh... Failed to imagine it nicely...

One day, people will die. When it is happen, no one can change it.. Entah lah.. Terasa sesuatu...

Sepanjang hidup, aku sentiasa rasa memerlukan family aku. They are everything. I miss them. I miss every single moment wit them. Kalau aku kat umah, mak mesti panggil suruh aku makan. Berkali-kali smpai la aku gi dapur & mkn. Ayah mesti complain pasal rambut aku yg pnjang & suruh aku gunting kasi pendek. Ayah ckp, rambut pendek baru la nmpak kemas. Kalau nayung balik, mesti kitaorg akn main PES. Mak mesti ajk aku dgn nayung kuar kalau dia balik umah. Nachik pulak mesti kuar mlm & tnya bola start pukul bpe. Bila da bosan, dia ajk la main PES. Mesti aku menang. HAHA.

Waktu pagi, kalau ayah tak belikn mkanan, mak mesti ajk aku gi kedai cik Mun. Walaupun da bosan makan kat situ, tapi mak nak gi jugak. Nak sembang-sembang dgn cik Mun tu sambil makan. Disebabkn nachik selalu bgn lambat, so aku dgn mak je la gi kedai. Lepas balik dari kedai tu, mak mula la dgn 'kerja-kerja' kat umah tu. Tabiat ayah pulak, kalau dapat surat khabar, memang dari muka surat depan smpai la habis dia baca. Berjam jugak la dia baca newspaper tu. 

Mak masak mmg best. Kalau dia buntu nak masak ape, mula la dia tnya kitaorg nk makan ape. Tak pun, gi kedai beli lauk je. Favorite ayah ialah sup. Especially sup tulang. Kalau mak masak sup, lagi berselera la ayah tu. Mak ckp, ayh makan sup macam org nak marah. haha. Nachik bangun lambat, so memang dia selalunya terus makan tgh hari la. Kalau dia mintak mak masak sesuatu, rajin la dia tolong masak. Antara kitaorg 3 org adik bradik, dia la yg boley masak sikit. Aku masak? Menu special aku sentiasa telur cincang kicap. hehehe. Itu je la yg aku tahu.

Kalau nayung kat umah, mak mesti masak nasi lebih sebab dia makan macam org kerja berat je. Pernah sekali tu, dlm sejam dia makan nasi dua kali. Tabiat dia pulak, tak suka makan kat luar. Sebab dia da jemu makan kat kedai. So, mak memang kena masak la kalau dia balik. Tapi tu dulu sebelum dia kahwin. Sekarang dia da kawin, entah la... Tabiat ayah di waktu malam, tido depan tv. Kitaorg smua da biasa la dgn situasi tu bila ayah gi ruang tamu nk tengok tv. Alasan dia, nk tgk citer hindustan. Tapi mostly kalau dia da start baring depan tv tu, dlm 5-10 minit dia da tido. Kadang-kadang mak selalu terkejutkn ayah time dia tidur. Mak suh ayh bangun smbil ckp "Bgn cepat, nk gi da ni". Ayh yg tengah mamai mesti terkejut smbil tnya nak gi mana & suruh kitaorg siap-siap cepat. HAHA.

To u my girl, maybe u're not pretty, not good, ur jokes not funny, u're bad, u're not sweet, but I Love U. Juz u n always be u. I dun care who u're, who u gonna be, i juz care bout u. I hav no one else, i dun play trick wit the others, & i'm trying my best to make u happy. That's all u need to noe. Love u.

Friends, seriously, each & everyone of u are means for me. Tak de korg, mesti aku hidup sorg, forever alone... Bila aku susah korg tolong. Bila aku perlukan korg, korg ade. Thanks a lot. To anyone yg aku pernah buat silap, i juz can say, I'm Sorry. Aku try nk fix kan balik silap aku, but when i try to fix it, it become worse. Yeah, people do mistakes. Juz, kalau benci sgt pun, senyum la kalau ternampak aku. Cakap 'Hye' pun ok ape dari tak cakap langsung. Apologize utk silap aku & tolong bagitahu bila aku buat silap. I am very happy if u can forgive n forget. I'm trying to be nice. Maybe my face expression didn't seem so much of it. Nak buat macam mane, da memang mcm ni. So, don't simply judge by looking at my face cz u might be misunderstood.

If i lost everything; i am nothing. I miss everything i had. Dun want to lose it. If i die, i hope my family are fine & my friends will be blessed wit happiness. Mungkin ini hnya mengarut, tapi... Nvrmine. Forget wut i wrote here cz i'm juz sharing wut i feel for tonite.. Peace yo!

~Never Hate Your Life~

Wordless Wednesday

Tertarik dgn tajuk ni, which the picture/photo tells the day or story...

Percaya Pada Luka

Benarkah pencarian mimpi ini
Hanyalah dongengan cinta dalam pertaruhan
Haruskah pertemuan jiwa ini
Berakhir bersama air mata

Kesepian menemani jiwa di saat ku terluka
Bisakah aku mengenal cinta

Aku percaya pada takdir cinta kita
Yang telah terukir di dasar jiwaku
Yang merindu dirimu
Namun ku bertanya padanya
Haruskah ku percaya pada luka
Sebagai tanda kesetiaan cinta
Kasih kita

Sempurnakah lukisan cinta ini
Tanpa corak warna kasih lakaran suciku
Apakah coretan rintihan malam
Hanyalah mainan cintamu

Wordless Wednesday

Tertarik dgn tajuk ni, which the picture/photo tells the day or story..

So, utk 1st entry for "Wordless Wedneyday", is this...

Respect

Serius bai, mcm fucker doe kau.. Bkn aku nk berkira sgt kalau kau pakai kasut aku. Tapi kalau nk pakai, beradab la skit. Mintak la izin dlu, tnya aku nk pakai ke tak, ape ke.. Ni kau main ambik je kn.. Aku baru je basuh kasut tu. Aku letak dalam bilik sebab nk jemur kasi kering. Nk letak kat luar takut hujan.

Serius, menyirap betul aku bile balik-balik je, tgk kasut aku da tak de dalam bilik. Tnya-tnya, kau pakai tak bagitahu aku. Nk pakai mintak la dulu, bukan nya aku tak kasi sangat. Pernah aku ambik barang kau tak bagitahu? Da la aku stuck sebab hujan tadi. Balik penat-penat, tengok barang aku tak de. Kalau kau kena mcm tu pun kau bengang gak kn?

Da tu, bila aku balik malam ni, kau boley plak letak kasut tu dlm bilik aku. Mcm tak de pape je kn? Da tahu kasut tu da kotor, letak je la kat luar tu. Pernah tengok aku bawak masuk kasut yg kotor smpai dlm bilik ke? Agk-agak la sikit. Tak kn benda tu pun nk ajar.

Kau da buat taik dgn aku, mmg payah la aku nk bagi muka kat kau da pasni. Belajar la respect sikit orang lain. Jangan ikut suka kepala kau je..

In case if u're reading it...

My fault..

U ask me y i text u last nite? U noe.. sumtimes, things not always like wut we expected. Its more like sugar & salt. Never hav the same output..

To b honest, i'm more expecting u reply those 3 words rather than saying 'dun text' again.. Yeah, who am i to question ur desire. Dun worry, I'm ok wit it. I won't do such thing again cz now i noe u dun like it. My bad intention of texting u while i noe nothing will change.

I respect u when u feel like i dont. Sorry, i cant express it like wut u want. But certainly, i hav a lot of respect on u. U're one of the strongest person i've ever meet. When u say i juz miss the routine not u, mayb its true. My routine always b wit u, but not anymore. When u not here, i miss u. Because u're my routine.

This is wut i mention on the previous entry... "So basically, alone right now which i think sesuai dgn perangai aku, sikap aku, actions aku. Aku tak nak sakitkn hati org bila aku decide utk bersama. She's dont deserve to hear my harsh words. Its better to be alone rather than hurting someone i love/like." My interpretation is, i hate hurting u, so i let u go. U dun deserve to get hurt. I noe, u deserve better.

That's it.
But the last question, its pretty awful...

U said "Hav u ever love me?"

Huhhh... For sake of god, i'm speechless. I dun hav any idea on how to answer it. Its like, the story never started.. & how to hav a discussion on it if its never started? I spent part of my life loving u, but its like nothing ever happen...

Nevermine. U rite, i'm the wrong one. My bad. Sorry. T8 cre.

Bye.

Mohd Shafiq bin Kamarudin

4 sure, that's my name. Ank kpd mak & ayh aku (of course). Born on September 5, 1992. Today's entry is about myself. Ntah knape tiba2 rsa nk tulis pasal diri sendri. Ermm, mcm mne nk mula ye... *_*

Ok. Mak citer, aku stop minum susu pling awl compare dgn abg2 aku. Klu letak susu kat mulut pun aku luah balik (Mayb punce aku kurus skrg kot...). Msuk tadika pda thun 1998 (6 years old). Ape yg aku egt? Mak aku ckp, die ade keraguan utk benarkn aku msuk tadika time tu sebab aku juz bley ckp "atu, uue" instead of "satu, dua". haha. Nasib baik la Cikgu Ja (cikgu tadika tu) convince mak yg aku akn bley ckp mcm budak lain once aku bergaul dgn diorg. =)

Sekolah rendah dkt SK Titi Gantong dri darjah 1 smpai la 6. Rutin masa darjah 1-2, mak akn hantar aku yg sesi petang & amek abg aku yg sesi pagi. Beza kiteorg adk beradik 4 taun. Means secara matematiknya, bila aku 8 tahun, abg aku yg kedua 12 tahun while abg aku yg 1st 16 tahun. Disebabkn abg aku yg 1st dkat asrama, so tggal la kteorg dua beradik kat umah. Dulu family aku b'niaga kedai runcit. Jd selalunya klu tak de buat ape, kiteorg kat kedai la. Abg aku kna tolong jga kedai dgn mak, while aku yg msih kecil masa tu tolong mkn ice-cream & keropok2 kat kedai tu. Hehe. Rasa seronok pulak bila egt balik time kiteorg hbeskn msa mlm sama-sama kat kedai. Klu kiteorg kuar jln2 & ttup kedai, bila balik umah waktu mlm, kena bukak lampu kedai. So, abg aku akn mulakn lakonan 'tidur' die dlm keta sbb mlas nk turun gi bukak lampu. Smua tu berakhir bila mak ayh aku decide nk jual je kedai tu kat org lain. Klu tak silap, tahun 2002 kot.. Da x dpt mkn ice-cream percuma =(
 
Mayb ade yg tnya knapa aku jarang tulis pasal ayh aku. Sebenarnya, compare mak & ayh, aku lebih kepada mak. Bukan sebab ape, masa kecik-kecik dulu, ayh aku terpaksa kerja luar. Kadang-kadang tak balik. So, most of the time masa kecik aku spend dgn mak n abg aku. Tapi, aku tetap sayang & bersyukur sebab ade seorg ayh yg amek berat walaupun bukan dgn cara menunjukkan nya. I think, most of the father in the world do the same thing. =)

Sekolah menengah plak kat SMKDARY sbb tu sekolah yg pling dekat dgn rumah aku. Pegi balik naik bus. Paling malas bile kna bangun awl2 & pegi tunggu bus smpai. Antara yg aku egt, time nk amek result PMR. Beberapa hari sebelumnya sgt tenang & confident & relax je. Family takut2 kn dgn result pun aku buat bodo je, smpai la mlm sebelum result kuar. Time tu baru nk cuak. Effect, tak boley nk tido terus. Risau punya pasal. Time breakfast pun tak lalu nk mkn da. Ayah pulak tunggu kat luar dewan, menambahkn kegerunan. Haha. Menjadi ketua kelas SC1 msa form 4 letak aku ke tahap yg berbeza dlm pemikiran aku. Perlu ambik responsibility atas ape-ape yg jadi dgn kelas tu, bantu aku jadi lebih matang dari segi mental. Kemungkinan untuk jadi org pertama yg dipersalahkn jugak buat aku jadi lebih bersedia dgn ape jugak kebarangkalian. Its not juz to greet teachers in the class or taking the attendance, its about responsibility. Form 5 da start bawak moto gi sekolah. So, tak de la kena bangun awl sgt. But there's few moments that makes it the year that i want to forget. So much things that happen was beyond my control.

Hari ini, 19 tahun 68 hari, banyak yg da aku lalui. Selama ni jugak byk yg baik & buruk yg dah aku hadapi.

Now, we go deep into the personal things...

People say i'm quiet, polite, nerd, alone, emotional... But, wut can i say is, not everyone really knows me. My mum, is the closest person to noe me better. She raise me till now, she's my mother, that's makes she a better understanding person to me. If u really noe me, i dun really a quiet person. It's juz, i rarely speak to stranger or someone dat i dun really noe. Its better to keep quiet rather than talking to person dat u uncomfortable wit. I like to make my own move without being ordered by someone to do so. If i were at home, i rather spend the time wit my family than having outside activities. I feel comfortable wit it. So dun be disheartened when i refuse to contact anyone while i'm at home.

Am i a good boy? To b honest, i'm not. I speak nicely to anyone to shows my respect to each & everyone of them. So its better not to push my limit. I'm capable of to ruin ur days wit my words, my action, my body language.. When i lost my respect, u will noe who u deal wit. I can a good person, but i can turned to bad one when u feel i dont. Aku tak kacau kau, kau tak payah nk kacau aku, ok? Kau tak de masalah dgn aku, aku tak de masalah dgn kau..

So basically, alone right now which i think sesuai dgn perangai aku, sikap aku, actions aku. Aku tak nak sakitkn hati org bila aku decide utk bersama. She's dont deserve to hear my harsh words. Its better to be alone rather than hurting someone i love/like. My advice; Don't play wit my heart, if u too scare to get hurt.

Peace <Leo> ~

Kisah Kita...: Part 1~

There is an unfold story which take place a long time ago. I hear a lot of rumors bout it, positive & negative, but this is how it start...

Haiyaa.. ari ni banyak pnat woo.. Tak sabar aku nak balik umah pastu nak makan.. Lapar giler.. Tengah-tengah kemas beg laju-laju sebab takut kena tinggal bas, tiba-tiba ade org bersuara dkat aku..

“Shafiq, sok ade jamuan akhir tahun pengawas ICT taw. Jgn tak dtg plak”, kawan sekelas aku bagitahu.

Dlm hati aku (Haishh.. Baru egt nk ponteng klas sok.hhu).

“Yela-yela.”, dalam hati ckp bukan kisah sgt pun sal benda tu. Balik umah, makan lagi penting. Nasib baik sempat naik bas sekolah tu, kalau tak, tak pasal-pasal kena naik bas ROADWAYS tu. Nak kena jln balik umah, satu kerja lain plak tgh-tgh lapar ni.

“ Hah, bila jamuannya ni? Smlm suruh aku dtg sgt ari ni..” Kawan aku dgn muka yg senyum sinis tu pun ckp “Sabar la. Jap lagi diaorg panggil la tu.” Tak lama pastu, kawan aku tu pun panggil la aku ajak gi makmal. Jamuan time! Tapi yg bagus masa tu aku tak la lapar sgt. Kalau tak, mesti aku makan gelojoh tak egt org sebelah. Sampai-sampai depan makmal, diorg baru start makan. Teacher pun suruh la kitaorg yg baru sampai ni gi ambik makanan pastu pndai-pandai la nk duk makan kat mane. Kawan aku tu lepak ngan kawan-kawan dia yg lain (almaklumla, perempuan mesti nk pot pet pot pet time makan). Aku ambik makanan, pastu cari tempat mane nk duduk makan. Nasib baik ade junior yg aku kenal kat situ. Dia ajak aku yg ‘keseorangan’ ni duduk makan dgn dia. Ade la jugak kawan..hhu.

Dekat tempat yg aku duduk tu, ade la sorg awek ni tengah kusyuk makan. Dia ngan Adat,(junior aku tu), ntah ape la yg diaorg borak time tu. Makan, cakap, gelak. Makan, cakap, gelak. Curious jugak aku dengan ape yg diorg borak tu. Aku tengok btul-btul muka awek tu, baru perasan sape dia. Aku pernah tengok dia sekali masa bahagi tugas awal-awal tahun dulu. Bkn nk ckp ape la, aku klu dgn org yg aku tak kenal, memang payah la nk dengar aku bersuara. So, aku mengambil langkah yg lebih pasif dgn berdiam diri sambil layan je la  mereka-mereka yg sedang bergelak ketawa tu. Perut da kenyang, tiba la masa nk pergi meninggalkn jamuan yg 'menarik' tu. While walking, i dunno why my mind told me to look back twice.. Nahhh.. Mgkin hnya perasaan... Keep walking leaving the place & the feeling just go past the wind...

Kriiinnnggggg!!

Loceng hbes waktu rehat da bnyi. Ape lagi, masuk kelas la menyambung pelajaran (ayt nk top je). Suddenly, it's like a wind attacked me, force me to look where is it come from. The different is in this moment, it's not the wind, but 'her'... She past through me, smile, & when turned my head back, she still staring at me. Wut else can u expect when a girl do that to u? If i can replay the moment & make it as slow motion, it would b as top as bruno mars 1st video clip in youtube. Haaahhhh... How lucky i am today.. Now there's curious question. Y she did 'that'..? Ini yg pelik & hairan ni. Hurmm... Naahhh.. Mungkin hnya PERASAAN aku je. Mayb benda tu biase2 je kot. Mayb jgak aku noob sbb dlm citer drama ptg2 pun ade babak mcm tu.

4.38pm. Location-home.

Bkn msa atau tmpt yg aku fikirkn, tp 'dia'. Now its like a virus. I can't stop thinking & smiling bila ingatkn hal pagi tadi. Haha. Skrg datang plak idea yg gila tapi cool. The funny thing is when i do hav her's friend phone number on my phone. I grab my phone & sent a text asking 'her' phone number. Mesej da di hantar & hnya perlu menunggu mesej masuk. Tapi yg rasa cam bodoh nye bila kwn dia tu tak reply mesej aku tu. Terasa cam nk terjun dari bumbung umah, malu punye pasal -_-

How much we love to think bout one thing that we like,
we still can't stop it from disappear when the time comes...

"Cik, g kedai beli barang jap." Mak berkata tanpa microphone. Disebabkn mlm tu keluarga aku ade nk wat kenduri sikit, so masing-masing sibuk la. Kenduri tu untuk arwah Tuk(paggilan utk nenek aku). She left us a few months ago, forever. Utk kenduri tu, mak aku decide utk masak kat umah je. So, ade la jiran-jiran yg menolong smbil meriuhkn dapur umah aku tu. Tugas aku? Buat bila disuruh. Haha. Sebabkn mlm tu baru 1st time nk wat kenduri kat umah, so agk kelam-kabut sikit la. Ade yg nk wat itu, ade yg nk wat ini. Tengah-tengah tgk diorg masak tu, sedar yg phone tak de dekat aku. Teringat yg phone aku letak kat bilik tadi. Masuk bilik, check phone.. Eh, ade msj. Spe plak ni..? Tak kenal pun no ni.. Hati yg curious smbil mmbca msj tersebut.. "Hai, ini Shafiq ke?" Pulak dah.. camner die tahu nma aku..? Rsanye, aku da jadi cam invisible kat sekolah tu. Aku reply "Spe ni..?"

2 minit berlalu, then ade msj msuk lg. Die reply.. "Sori. Ini ....."

                                                                                                                                             ~End of part1~

It's u~

My blog's song is specially dedicated to u... In case if i can't text u as usual, i leave this song here..

The road not taken

The title seems 2 hav a connection wit me now.. Back in July.. Aku daftar masuk ke UNIKL as a student in bachelor of management & entrepreneurship. 1st sight, it was enjoyable days of 'orientasi' kat UKM. The briefing, activities, environment was good enough 4 me. I think it will b a promising start towards my new brand of study field. I can't stop smiling bila egtkn psal menari pagi2 tu. HAHA. Tarian sisua-sisua mayb akn mnghantui plajar-plajar Unikl. =D

Pengalaman bercampur ngan plajar-plajar kat sna jugak 1 yg bagus. Terasa sgt muda bila bercampur ngan diorg yg mostly over 20 years old. (bangga taik hdung masin lak) Haha. I learn how they deal wit their life b4. Seronok dpt tahu pengalaman org lain yg mayb akn mmbantu aku utk mnyesuaikn diri dgn bidang yg aku pilih ni. 4 hari kat sna akn dikategorikn sebagai 'best' utk aku. Walaupun penat, but it was fun. Utk kali pertama aku enjoy time orientasi. But everything juz change lepas aku balik umah sewa..

Wut will i hav outside the window..?

Bila aku tgk keluar dari tingkap umah tu, what a view. I juz can see KL. Wut a city. From there, i juz realise one thing; I'm not belong there. I juz can't figure out how to deal wit the environment, the people there, & most importantly, i don't noe how to live there. It was a hectic city. I dun like it. For a person like me who always prefer the relax type of environment, being thrown there could lead me to a culture shock. 

Yeah, mayb i dun brave enough to take the risk. But is it worth to take a risk if i noe it would b bad? So i decide to go home & leave all behind. I choose not to take this way, cz its not the time yet. Mayb one day i will comeback & live in big city. So for now, i decide to go on wit the other way of life...

I keep this road for the future..

A year after yesterday..

Haha.. I'm 19!!

Tak sangka, rasa cam cepat je masa 'sweet 18' aku berlalu.. Setahun lalu, banyak bnda yg aku harapkan. Adakah ia tercapai? Jap nk recall.. Erm... Ade la jgak..hehe. Tapi, most of the things still in searching or remain the same. Ape yg aku dapat or capai & bagaimana dgn angka '19' ni..? It remains unknown. HAHA

In a life, we can't always live on the expectation. Yeah, we can make wishes, we put a lot of hopes, but in the end, we juz gonna jump into the same conclusion; WE CAN'T GET EVERYTHING THAT WE WANT... So, I'm learning not to live in the past. Life must go on. No matter wut situation we are, there's no reason to say NO to continue our life. Dun regret wut u're already hav, b thankful of wut u hav achieved. I'm proud of wut i've achieved for the past 19 years. So, i juz can't wait to kick out a new year of mine, which i think is more promising & interesting. Being a 19teen, doesn't mean I'm gonna change who I am. I am I. Nothing will change.

Jika 19 tahun yg lalu aku mula melihat dunia, kini masa untuk aku melangkah dgn lebih jauh di dalam bumi ini.

My wish?

There's only one thing on my mind; to make my parent proud of me & i want to change my family life to a better side as a reward kerana mereka telah bersusah membesarkan aku sejak sekian lama.

Wut i've on 5 September 2011?

Actually, aku da sambut besday awal. Haha. 3 aribln aritu da sambut. Knpa smbut awl? Sbb e2 la ari last abg aku kat umah. So, mlm tu kiteorg decide la nk g mkn kat KFC. Lawak jugak la bila ayah aku yg da bertaun tak makan kat KFC mkn mlm tu. haha. I dun need a cake, i dun need a birthday song, wut i juz need is people who i care & love, always b wit me. It's was a great night when the whole members of family can gather to hav a nice time. Wut else did i hav on this day? of course i've my girl, ALIA. She's part of my life for a long, long time.. I love her cz she always b by my side when i need her all the time. She noe i can trust her. Thanks my dear sbb jadi seorg yg sgt penyabar dgn my attitude. Yeah, we do hav a lot series of fight between us, but nothing can deny our feeling. So, I love u & no doubt bout that. =)

In the whole, i guess, nothing to worry this coming year as long as i've the people that i need around me.

My Friends, My Girl, and of course, My Family~

Unsure...

Hurmm.. There's it's go again.. Like usually, u sent a text that stated the same meaning. U didn't feel safe/secure..? U noe wut, I started to loose my patient. How many time must i say that 'i love u'..? When i say u dun believe on me, it's a true fact. Dun try to deny it. Every time i try to settle it, u come back wit the same issue. I'm tired wit it. 2 or 3 days we're fine, but then u bring back the issue. Wut u expect me to do huhh..?? Am I be the only one to blame for my past?? I'm tired! Fine. If u can't accept my past & how am i rite now, u should go. I didn't want to spend my whole life wit a person that unsure bout my feeling towards her either. I love a person who respect my past, and who am i rite now. Certainly not a person who wanna keep feel bad bout me. I'm change. If u wanna keep the deal wit ur own feeling, go on. I'm gonna wait here, till u can deal wit me. I have my own limit. So, dun push it cz u noe i hav a bad deal wit my ego. ~

Universiti Tenaga Nasional

27 Jun 2010..

Tarikh ni, merupakan tarikh aku pertama kali mnjejakkn kaki ke UNITEN. Wahh.. Lain mcm rsanye sbb ini 1st time aku berjauhan dgn family aku. Yela, aku tak pernah masuk asrama & tak pernah sekolah jauh-jauh dari rumah. Huhh.. nk kena start berdikari la plak. Nk kena basuh baju, kemas bilik, blaja, mkn, smua kena pndai-pndai la wat sendiri. Selalunya, smua mak aku akn sediakan, tp kena la jgak wat sendiri.. Nasib badan...

Minggu orientasi, serius sgt MEMENATKAN.. Da la tido tak cukup, jadual lak padat. Haishh.. Sabo jela.. Then, aku start la kenal bberapa org. Mula-mula, biasa la. Diam, tgk org, & rsa janggal. Tp tu awal-awal la. Ble da kenal ngan member yg bley at least get along, aku pun try la biasakn diri. Minggu pertama gi kelas, gler awal. Kelas kul 8, tp kul 7.15 da siap da. Jalan kaki gi tunggu bas, tgk org rmai je.

Sem 1 la yg paling best. Mula nk kenal org ni camner, org tu camner, pastu tgk dia ni bley wat kwn ke tak.. Alhamdulillah, rmai jugak la yg aku kenal & jd kwn. Kemudian, bermula la hidup yg kat universiti yg byk cbaran dia. Tp serius, aku slalu struggle utk biasakn diri kat sana. Kadang-kadang ok, tp... ntah la.. Nak tak nak, kena la jgak hadapi smua tu. Smpai la ke sem 3/ last sem..

8 Jun 2011..

Ptg tu aku ada exam, last plak tu (exam fizik). Bgn2 je dari tido, trus g kat laptop. Check & sah, aku dpt tawaran smbung degree kat UNIKL.. Haishh.. Aku decide tak nak fikir sgt lagi, sbb ptg tu ada exam. Aku kata dlm hati, ape-ape hal pun, habiskn exam dlu. Smpai exam hall, aku tgk mmber-mmber kat situ, sbb maybe itu hari last aku dpt tgk muka diorg.. Aku egt lagi, ade sorg facilitator yg ckp, "tak semua yg msuk dgn korg ni, akn sma-sma kuar ble da hbes nnt"..

Yup, I'm making my way out...

Aku kena daftar kat sana 17 Jun ni, so, wajarlah utk aku ucapkn selamat tinggal. 

1st of all, aku nk mintak maaf kat korg smua, insan yg aku gelar "kawan-kawan" dekat Uniten tu.. Aku tahu, ada antara korg yg tak suka, tak puas hati, benci, muak, dgn sikap aku ataupun jelik nk tgk muka aku kat sna. Aku jugak tahu, tak smua suka akn kehadiran aku dkat sna. Yeah, I'm not gonna blame u guys.. Guess wut! U guys didn't need to see my face again. I go & nothing to worry about. =)

Juz, aku nk korg tahu 1 benda je la, walau korg benci gler kat aku, aku still nk ckp terima kasih. Tnpa korg, mgkin aku tak kenal dunia. Mungkin aku akn slalu wat silap kalau korg tak guide aku dulu. Terima kasih sebabkn ajr aku, tolong aku, tumpangkn aku naik keta, belanja aku.. I'm really appreciate that.. Its always hav a place in my heart. Haha.. mungkin susah nk biasakn diri dgn tmpt yg lain pulak, tmbh2 tak de sape2 yg aku knal kat sna. But i will adapt myself well enough & thank you for your kindness for this one memorable year for me. Thanks a lot guys...

Last thing, Thank u Uniten. Thank u very much for being a good place for me to learn & live my life. One year, n its end now..

So long, and Goodbye...~

I.L.Y.~

Sukar utk mnggambarkn dgn kata2..

Lidah seakan kelu di saat aku mahu meluahknnya..

Namun aku yakin..

Engkau la pilihan yg tepat..

Sejak mula kita b'knalan,

Hnya kau yg slalu mncul di dlm mmpi2 ku..

Hnya kau yg mmpu mnghadirkn snyuman buatku,

Hnya kau yg aku akn cari di saat aku perlukn sseorg..

Ya benar,

Aku pernah cuba utk mncari pnggantimu,

Tapi itu cuma khayalan,

Kerna tiada siapa mmpu mnggantikn mu..

Kerana kau TERLALU ISTIMEWA buatku...

I'll never walk away again...

U'r the wonderful thing that i ever had..

I Love You

This feeling never fade away since the 1st time i meet u,
& its will not change forever..
I'll never leave u again...

FUTURE

I'm creating my own future...

whether its a good one or not,

 

...I DON'T KNOW... 

Please...

Its 10.12 pm~
Yeah, we end up wit a fight again. This time, its was my fault & i hav to admit that..
But u noe, i'm tired wit all of this things.. Almost every single day, we're enter that uneasy situation. I juz want to b fine wit u, but it still seem hav a lots things to do to make it right.. I wish dat i can b wit u rite now. I wish i can comfort u every nite. I wish i can enter ur dreams to make it better. I wish i could b around u every single second, & do anything dat we like.. Huhhh..

Sometime i got lost, lost my temper on u.. I hate to realize dat i has do dats things on u.. I noe, u're deeply hurt by my attitude. But, wut can i do..? It was me dat u hav noe. Maybe i should/must change for a better future right? I'm not promise but u can trust my words. I WILL CHANGE although it took time to do it..

I juz want u to noe dat, I Love You.. I really meant it whenever i say dat to u. I need u in my life cz i'm f****** damn hard love u.. For all the mistake dat i make, please, forgive me. Juz get back to me & feel free to text cz i'm waiting 4 it...

Sorry 4 being such a jerk...

From ur love~

A story of mine..

A new story will enter 

this blog.

The story that i love to write the most...

And it is coming soon...~

Bad Ending...

Huhh... I can't even sleep tonight.. So i decide to do something.. Yeah, it's a new post again..

Back in November 14, 2010, I decide to begin a new things in my life. Created juz 4 fun, but ended juz like in trouble. On dat date, I begin to wrote a love story, a love saga which make my blog feel 'alive'. I must admit dat the story not the best story dat i've ever watch, but it do hav its' own follower.. Haha. Seriously, it's funny when i do look back dat story. Even i can't imagine, "mcm mana aku bley tulis cter ni dlu ek?".. But the history has been made, the story has started & do hav its' own ending..

Cerita "cinta" yg aku coret kn di dlm blog ni, telah menimbul pelbagai reaksi & respon.. Ada yg positive & tidak kurg negative-nya.. Cerita itu tidak lah seindah cerita cinta laila & majnun, tidak pula seagung cinta shah jehan kepada mumtaz. Tapi cerita itu, menerangkan sebuah kisah benar yg aku lalui.. Tujuan aku menulis cerita ini bukan bermegah, tetapi hanya utk berkongsi pengalaman aku ketika itu. Aku sedar, tidak semua akn mnyukai cerita itu, tapi seperti aku tegaskn, ianya hanya sekadar sebuah perkongsian..

Namun, drpd sekadar sebuah cerita biasa, ianya bertukar mnjadi serius.. Perkara yg aku coretkn didalam blog ini semakin hari semakin bertukar reaksinya.. Setiap perkara yg mereka baca, mula menimbulkn pelbagai persoalan. Salah kah aku utk menulis cerita aku sendiri? Apakah aku tidak punya kebebasan utk menyatakan perasaan ku? Adakah aku hanya sebuah patung yg tidak punya perasaan? Sedih.. Teramat sedih rasa di hati tika & saat ini..

Jika nk baca, baca la. Kalau tak nak pun aku tak kisah. Ingin saja aku ucapkn perkataan ini pada mereka yg mempunyai perasaan negative. Aku tulis suke-suke, knpa korg nk amek serius? Korg egt korg je ade perasaan? Habis aku camner? Penat ! Penat da aku nk jaga hati org ni, hati org tu, hnya sebab cter yg aku kongsikn kat blog aku ni. Cukup-cukup la mmpersoalkn aku. Aku pun ade privasi sendri walaupun most of cter hati aku, aku kongsikn kat sini. Mcm mane 1 kisah cinta bley jadi 1 isu besar? Aku tak paham.. Org lain pun ade jugak kisah diorg, tp knpa aku yg kena?

Bukan ke aku da tamatkn cter tu, tapi knpa ada yg tak puas hati lg? Susah sgt ke nk percaya aku? Aku tak marah korg nk baca cter yg aku kongsi, tapi tolong la hormat aku jugak. Ble aku da tamatkn cter tu, so its' means it's over ! Takkn ade lagi smbungan utk cter tu. Kalau aku nk tulis cter baru pun, itu mksudnye cter baru. Tidak ada kaitan dgn cter yg lalu...

Pernah aku terpikirr utk remove je blog ni sebab hal ni.. Tapi, knpa aku nk wat camtu juz utk puaskn hati org lain..?

Kalau kau terluka, jgn fikir aku

tidak pernah merasainya...

Korea~

KOREA..?
Haishh... Sorry la, I'm not Korean fans.

Tibe2 plak nk wat entry ni ari ni.. Bukan ape, aku tgk ramai gler yg mnat sgt kat artis-artis dr korea ni. Ape yg special sgt diorg 2..?

Serius.. Mula-mula aku tak tahu la ape yg girls kat luar tu sebut pasal 'K-pop'.. Dlm hati aku, "ape ke bende K-pop 2..?".. Smpai la 1 hr aku baca news, bru la aku tahu yg K-pop tu pasal artis korea rupanye.. Ek eleh, egtkn ape la..Haduii..

Then dtg plak fenomena kumpulan ni dlm kalangan gadis-gadis kat malaysia ni..

Ble dtg je group ni wat show kat KL, naik histeria gadis-gadis masa 2.. Yg tak paham tu, laki pun sama. Hai, minat SUJU ye bang? hahaha.. Ckp pasal 'Suju' plak, mana la aku tahu ape benda.. Ade awek tnya, "Awk, awk minat 'Suju' x?" Hahh..? Suju = singkatan nma super junior rupanye.. Almaklum la, org yg x layan artis korea mcm aku ni mana phm.. 

Bagi aku, artis korea ni tak tahan lama kowt.. Yeah, tak di nafikan yg dieorg ada 'good-looking' & kelompok peminat yg tersndiri, tapi smpai bila diorg ni dpt bertahan dlm industri hiburan ni? Takkn da ade 4/5 org anak pun nk berjoget lincah ats pentas lg? Artis korea skrg ni mcm cendawan tumbuh lepas hujan... Semakin hari semakin ramai yg pilih jalan utk jadi popular berbekalkn rupa & bakat mereka yg trsendri.. Kalau da bley wat peminat mereka menangis kalau diorg berpecah kumpulan/group di bubarkn ke, sape yg dpt nafikan kejayaan mereka kn?

Aku..?

Ade la jugak yg aku layan pasal korea ni.. Tp aku more prefer pada cter drpd muzik diorg. Tapi, bley dikira la berapa banyak cter korea yg aku tgk. Kalau kira pakai tangan, tak smpai sepuluh pun. Aku juz tgk cter korea secara tak dirancang je. Ade 2/3 drama kat tv dlu yg aku tgk. Then, ade la 2/3 movie yg aku tgk lepas download..

Tapi, baru-baru ni, aku ade tgk cter korea yg satu ni.. Layan jugak..hehe

Cter 'Speed Scandal'

Antara babak dlm cter tu..

Cter tu lagi menarik sebab ad budak cute ni.
Nama die Hwang Suk Hyun.

Aku amek movie dari abg aku. Pastu tgk la satu-persatu.. Then, ade plak cter ni. Mula-mula cam bosan, tp lama-lama mkin best plak jln cter die yg ade unsur-unsur kelakar (favourite aku).. Ni je la cter korea yg aku tgk lepas beberapa tahun. (Smlm layan lagi sekali cter ni..hehe)

Artis korea yg aku minat..?

Die ni sorg je kowt..

Song-hye-kyo

Tu pun sbb die cute + die ade blakon dlm 1 cter yg aku tgk kat tv dlu..

As a conclusion, semua org ade hak mereka yg trsendri utk suka artis-artis ni atau tak. Tak de spe yg bley kata "Hey, tak payah la minat artis tu..", sbb diorg ade cita rasa mereka sndri, sma jgak ngan kita. Maybe kita xsuke artis dari korea ni, tp diorg suka. Nak wat camner kn? 

So, utk tahu ape yg korg minat sbnarnye, juz tepuk dada tanya selera laa... (^_^)

*p/s: Entry ni bukan utk mngutuk atau ape-ape. Juz suke-suke je. Anda minat artis korea? Tak jadi masalah ape pun. =)

Masa menentukan segalanya~

Berdiam diri lebih baik.

Aku suka kn ungkapan itu..

Entah knpa ayt itu sudah seakan-akan sebati dgn diri ini.

Huhh..

Bagi aku, ini adalah jln yg lebih baik utk masa ini.

Tidak perlu utk kusutkn keadaan skrg ini..

Kerana..

Ya, aku akn tamatkn permainan ini.

Cuma, berilah sedikit kesempatan pada ku utk berfikir buat kali terakhir sblm aku mmbuat sbrang kptusan.

Aku perlukn waktu..

Sedikit waktu ini amat pnting..

Waktu penentu, penentu jawapan akhir dari diri ini. 

Tidak usah mendesak,

Kerana aku tidak mnyukai perkara itu..

Penat sudah aku menunggu...

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And learn to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Tribute to my mum...

Hari ini adalah hari ibu.. Walaupun ada sesetengah pendapat yg mengatakn kita tidak sepatutnya menyambut hari ini, tapi bagi aku, hari ini tetap hari yg istimewa. Kerana bagi aku, walau sibuk mane pun kita dlm setahun tu, mst kena ada gak 1 hari juz utk meraikan insan2 yg digelar ibu/ emak/ mama/ mummy atau pun panggilan yg mmpunyai maksud yg same. So, tulisan kali ni di tujukan khas utk mak aku...=)

Perkara yg mmbuatkn aku rasa bertuah mmpunyai seorang mak..

1. Mak aku akn masak almost hari-hari walaupun dia sendiri ckp yg dia da jemu msk. Yela, kalau mak tak msk, confirm kebulur satu rumah..hehe

2. Kalau da msk tu, confirm kiteorg akn mkn same2. Tapi, aku ni kalau kat rumah, payah sikit nak datang dapur & ambik pinggan mkn nasi. So, berbekalkn suara mak yg kuat tu, mak mesti akan jerit dari dapur sampai ke ruang tamu (tmpt slalu aku lepak).. "Cikkkk ! Makan !" .. Selagi aku tak dtg dapur g mkn, slagi tu la mak ulang jerit nama aku dari dapur tu.hehehe.. Kadang-kadang, aku da lepas mkn pun mak panggil g mkn lagi. =D

3. BERSELERAK. Sesuatu yg mak aku tak kan pernah suka. So, almost hari-hari mak aku akn kemas rumah supaya nmpak kemas & selesa. Mak aku pernah ckp, " Biar rumah kita tak besar & cantik macam rumah org, tapi mak nak rumah ni sentiasa kemas. Tak de berselerak macam stor." Dari sapu sampah sampai la basuh baju, semua mak aku buat sorg-sorg. Pendek kata, hampir semua keje kat rumah tu mak aku buat sorg-sorg. huhu.. Kadang-kadang aku sian tengok mak sorg-sorg kemas rumah tu. So, kadang-kadang tu aku tlg la ape-ape yg patut. hehe.. Tapi kalau bab basuh pinggan tu, mak aku tak bape percaya nk suruh aku basuh. Bukan sebab takut pinggan pecah ke ape, tapi sebab taknak basah lenjun dapur tu nanti aku wat keje.. =D

4. Walaupun ayah & abg aku g kje, tapi mak aku yg control "ekonomi" rumah tu. Hampir semua benda, mak aku la yg decide supaya beli ke tak. Sebab mak aku seorg pemikir yg sgt hebat. Contoh, ada 1 benda yg kiteorg nk beli n kiteorg fikir tak kan effect ape-ape. Tapi, mak akn fikir dalam-dalam sama ada benda tu patut beli atau pun tak. Kalau tak beli masa tu pun, lain kali boleh beli jugak. Kata mak la.. Kiteorg bkn la dari keluarga yg "senang", so, ape-ape pun kena la jimat cermat. Mak pernah ckp, " kalau harapkn korg yg jaga semua duit, 10 hari dlm sebulan je kita bley makan nasi.." Hahahahaha...

5. Mak la tempat aku ngan abg-abg aku mngadu. Apa-apa masalah mesti mak akn tlg selesaikn walaupun kiteorg kadang-kadang tak cite pape pun kat mak. Naluri ibu, tak de sape bley lawan.. Huhu. Mak aku sorg yg bley di ajak bergurau. So, kalau kat rumah tu, aku slalu gurau-gurau ngan mak. Lagi best kalau kiteorg 1 family dpt lepak sama-sama. Riuh rendah 1 rumah. Ayh aku pun join sekaki. Hehehe.. Tapi sian, aku kat kolej ni, mak tinggal sorg-sorg kat rumah. Ayah aku kadang-kadang tido kat pejabat dia je, abg aku yg no 2 tu plak asyik kuar rumah je.. Huhu. Kalau da sunyi sgt tinggal sorg tu, msti mak aku akn tepon aku.

6. Mak sangat sabar ngan perangai kiteorg. Dari abg-abg aku sampai la perangai aku. Macam-macam. Walaupun mak kadang-kadang marah, tapi tak pernah dia lupa utk msk bagi ank-ank dia ni mkn. Walau sakit mana pun hati dia masa tu, mak tak pernah sampai hati tengok ank-ank dia lapar tak mkn. Mesti mak g jugak dapur tu, msk ape yg ada, pastu panggil kiteorg mkn bila da siap masak. Bagi aku, itu salah 1 kasih sayang yg mak tunjukkn kat kiteorg walaupun kadang-kadang kiteorg tak sedar benda tu...

7. Mak slalu mengeluh yg dia sakit kaki. Mesti dia suruh abg tak pun aku. Walaupun favourite mak utk bab urut kaki ni abg aku (sebab mak ckp dia urut kuat sikit dari aku), aku tetap try urut kaki mak tu sebaik mungkin. Yela, satu hari suntuk mak sibuk wat kerja rumah, takkan nk urut dia sekejap tak boley kn?

Mak, walau pun D tau kadang-kadang D tak ikut cakap mak, tapi harap mak tau yg D sayangkn mak... Terlalu sukar utk diucapkn perkataan 'sayang' tu depan-depan, tapi dlm hati, hanya Tuhan yg tahu betapa besarnya sayang D kat mak.. U r everything to me. If I is a car, u r the oil that used to generate the car.. Without u, i can do nothing... 

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE....

Fuckin in Perfect

i know how you feel inside
your in love and so am i
but your with some other guy
i should be the one by your side

he cheated made you feel no good i
told you that he would
i knew he'd make you cry
your broken let me make it better
glue you back together just give me a try
ohh

pretty, pretty please dont you ever ever feel
like your less than f'in perfect
if you get with me i wont ever make you feel
any less than f'in perfect you'll see

at his house you find her clothes
tried to play you and say, "whose are those?"
he's so stupid here's how i know
what kind of genious would let perfection go woahh ohh

he's conceited only 'bout himself he
loves nobody else ah he aint even fly
you're broken lemme make it better
glue you back together just give me a try
ohh

pretty, pretty please dont you ever ever feel
like your less than f'in perfect
if your here with me i wont ever make you feel
any less than f'in perfect you'll see

its gonna take time girl to heal that hole (he left)
exactly how long i dont know
but you got pain and i know a remedy
you gotta start kickin' with someone like me
now your over analysing all of your thoughts
start thinking its all of your fault
baby girl dont you go and blame yourself
cuz hes just a douche bag he's just a douche bag, he's just a douche bag

ohh yeahh

i was hoping you'd let me replace him
i would straight erase him
right out of your life

pretty, pretty please dont you ever ever feel
like your less than f'in perfect
if your get with me i wont ever make you feel
any less than f'in perfect you'll see

pretty, pretty please dont you ever ever feel
like your less than f'in perfect
if your here with me i wont ever make you feel
any less than f'in perfect you'll see